Into Sonship

Imagine you are twelve years old and for most of your life you have only known inconsistency, physical and verbal abuse, and neglect. Your world would be full of fear. Fear of what will happen the next day. Fear of what could be said to you or done to you. Fear of unknown. It takes you over, immobilizing you, causing you to shrink into survival mode. Trying to take it one day at a time all the while your heart becomes hard. You begin to trust no one, forgetting what love feels like. Your fear causes you to feel like you need to survive on your own and that survival mode causes more fear. Its a cycle. 

One day you are sent to a new place. A place with lots of kids and adults all around you. It doesn’t feel like your family, though. Who are these people playing with the other children? Who is this person telling you that you will go to school? Why are these adults making you brush your teeth, shower and change your clothes? Why are they telling me what to do? They don’t expect you to be perfect. They aren't yelling at you. It’ll just be a matter of time until you mess up then they’ll get real angry and punish you like you've alway gotten. You need to keep up your defenses so they can’t hurt you. 

After a time you begin to realize that these people are different. Both men and women are there for you in a way that isn't threatening and have shown consistency in who they are. The home is warm with people happy to see you. You begin to let your guard down and begin to learn what it means to love and be loved. You get to learn what it is like to be a part of a family. While it’s not a traditional family, there are both moms and dads expressing healthy love for you, their child. All around you there are others being adopted into forever families. You wonder if you will ever be good enough to be wanted by a family. Fear creeps back in and your defenses go up a bit.  You tell yourself, a family of your own would be nice but don't expect it. 

A few years pass, you learn to be loved by those who care for you where you are now, but you still desire a family. The older you get the more you desire a family and the more you feel rejected. People know you want a family, they know you are here, but why don't they want you? More fear, more unknown, defenses get stronger. Suddenly, you know there is a family who wants you, but something’s wrong. They should have officially been your parents by now. Did they find out you had been acting out at the orphanage because of your frustration?  Finally you are on the verge of being “too old” to be adopted and your fear grows and you are so frustrated that you begin to act out against those who care for you. 

One day you find out…you officially have a family! Your last name will change. Your story changes. Your direction for life is different. You are loved by a mom and dad. You are their’s and they are your’s. You will have a relationship with two loving parents. It is life changing. Your walls begin to come down and you melt into a family, becoming one of them. 

We have seen this played out many times while working with the children of Helping Hands Healing Hearts. Children come in full of fear and leave a new person. What changes? What happens? What is going on that allows these children to learn to love again?  It is, of course, not us who can take the credit for this transformation. It is only God, expressing his love, mercy, and grace through His Church to all people, that can take the credit. God has asked us to be an active part of these kids lives. For some kids, we help teach them what it looks like to be loved by adults and for others we are an interim parent as they healing from illness or injury until they can go home to their family. 

When we watch a child, especially an older one, go through the steps of adoption it reminds me of a Christian’s journey into a lasting relationship with God. Think about this: as a child meets their new family they experience changes in their lives. First they get a new last name. In the Bible when a person takes or is given a new name much comes with it. God changes Abram’s (high father) name to Abraham (father of many nations) when He tells Abram of what He plans to do through him (Genesis 17.5). Jesus changed Simon’s name to Peter when he shows Jesus he understands who Jesus is and his mission (Matthew 16.13-29). This is exactly what happens to these children. For them, when they get a new name it comes with a sense of belonging. 

When a child is adopted they get a new life. These kids are able to move on from what has been. While scars and memories will possibly still burn on occasion they are able to move into a life as a son or daughter, loved by a family who brings them into their loving arms. With that comes a desire within the child to want their family and to know them. We have children who when they know they have a family ask to communicate with them any way possible. 

One of the greatest changes we see in a child when they learn of their family is their attitude toward others. They begin to love others in a deeper way. John puts it like this: “We love because He first loved us (1 John 4.19).” You see, while we at the home love them the best we can, the family dynamic, designed by God, is the healthiest way to love a child and the child knows it. In a family, the child is loved by a father and mother and it frees them to love deeper. 

As Christians when we come to Jesus, we experience the same things. Scripture tells us that when we receive the Spirit of God and are led by that Spirit, we are children of God. We are adopted into sonship with Christ into God’s family (Romans 8.14-16). We experience the same things that children in our home experience when they are adopted. We are given a new name: sons and daughters (2 Corinthians 6.18).  We begin to want to know God more and more. We learn to love and begin to love like Christ because we were first loved (1 John 4.19). It is a privilege, daily, to be a part of a ministry that prepares children for this transition. It shows God’s truth in a real way. When faith is hard we look to the evidence of God’s truths to encourage us. God created each of us. He designed the family to be a loving, growing nucleus. When we are in that nucleus we are loved and are able to know what it means to be loved. We thrive. Marriage and family both emphasize the relationship of God with his people. It is in these two vital institutions that we can see God working in the world.